The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
