Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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