Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
