so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have fence marks all over my body
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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