dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
