Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize