I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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