Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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