I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
