she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize