Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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