i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
