I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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