k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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