Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize