This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
