All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
