He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
