What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there was a trapeze. enough said
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
