Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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