I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
