im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
