non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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