I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
