in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
