i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize