I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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