So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
