I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
