When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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