Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
