yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
