I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
