You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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