I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
