I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
