I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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