Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
