I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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