yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
