and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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