I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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