We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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