just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
