So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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