it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think i have two assholes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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