I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
