I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
