D3 body, D1 cock
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
