does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
