i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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