My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize