No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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