All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
