enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
