why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
