Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
