Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
