I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
