I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
