But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
