I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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