Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
