Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
