I look better un-naked...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
