Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
