so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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