I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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