Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
