I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
