This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
