He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
