she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
