I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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