im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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