I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
