I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You're like the curious george of whores
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
