1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
