I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
