we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
