And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize