If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
