stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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