and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
