You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
