I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
