You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
