I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize