you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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